Association to Promote Animal Smoking

Lazy Chain Smoking Kangaroos
  

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Warrandyte, Australia - Australian officials have released findings about a group of chain smoking kangaroos inhabiting the Australian countryside.  Citizens are warned not to give cigarettes to the kangaroos.

It all started one day, for a local unnamed resident, when a pack of cigarettes was dropped in a local park.  The resident was walking though the park looking for his lost cigarettes.  Unfortunately, the resident could not find the cigarettes anywhere.

A week later, residents noticed a large Kangaroo in the park under a tree.  The Kangaroo, nicknamed Smoky, was lying in the shade chain smoking a pack of cigarettes.  Residents were amazed as Smoky rested on the ground and smoked cigarette after cigarette.

Local residents then began to notice daily Kangaroo fighting as two more Kangaroos tried stealing away all of Smoky's cigarettes.  Local officials then got involved and confiscated the cigarettes from the Kangaroos.  What happened next in the small town, no one could have predicted.

Kangaroos by the hundreds, began pouring in from the countryside.  Residents were forced to hide in their homes as officials called in army troops to help with the problem.  This is also when the APAS was called to provide support and consultation on how exactly to deal with the Kangaroo problem.  We suggested that these Kangaroos be given a daily ration of cigarettes in order to wean them down to an acceptable level.  

Prior to the APAS getting involved, the Kangaroos were smoking up to three packs a day and lying in the grass for for 22.5 hours a day.  We are proud to report the Kangaroos are now smoking a pack a day and only spending 12 hours in the grass. 

Our lead researcher, Dr. Andrew Joseph says, "It's tragic that we have to limit how much Kangaroos can smoke.  But, in accordance to Australian law, we have all the Kangaroos down to an acceptable level of nicotine.  They are still quite lazy and immobile unfortunately, but we are currently implementing an exercise regimen to improve upon their health."

We at the APAS, hear stories like this every single day.  And we can all feel proud, such as in Australia, when they work out so splendidly.  It just goes to show, how far  different species of the earth will go...to defend their right to enjoy the satisfying taste  of a cigarette.

Brody