Association to Promote Animal Smoking

Fling the Monkey

Contact Info

Executive Director
Content Developer
Finance Director
Political Director
Webmaster
Earl (the Sloth)
Questions & Comments

Our Mission:

APAS (Association to Promote Animal Smoking) is a not for profit association dedicated to introducing the joys of cigarette and cigar smoking to as many species on earth as possible.

Why the hell would I want to teach an animal how to smoke?

Well, there are many reasons to introduce the joys of smoking to different types of animals. Think about every time you've sat down after a big meal...or after a nice long session of rowdy sex...or perhaps you've chain smoked to ease a weekend long hangover. Now, don't you think that animals would like to have that same right to enjoy a nice satisfying smoke? It is our duty as human beings to introduce the inhabitants of the earth...to the ultimate joy of smoking.

How exactly would an animal light a cigarette or cigar without a means to produce fire?

The APAS is currently lobbying the U.S. Congress to have safe and economical lighting stations installed wherever their is wildlife present. As far as teaching a common household pet to smoke...it would be up to YOU to provide it with the means to light their smoke.

How do I teach animals without opposable thumbs to smoke?

This is a great question, and a difficult one to answer. The easiest way is to train the animal to hold the cigarette or cigar in its mouth the entire time. The R & D team at APAS is currently developing an apparatus, that would allow an animal to smoke without worrying about holding the smoke.

What are some of the animals that I shouldn't try and teach to smoke?

Well, this can decided on a strict animal to animal basis. Typically, any animal that has to be ability to hurt, maim, or kill you...is not a good choice to teach how to smoke. Also, various animals by nature of their size and body structure would not be good candidates to introduce smoking.

Could I teach an animal to eat the cigarette butt after it's done smoking?

This has question has been the hot topic on everyone's mind at APAS for months. We are currently doing studies about how cigarette and cigar butts affect the digestive system of various animals. It's important that an animal know how to put the cigarette out...before actually ingesting the cigarette or cigar.

This is dumbest web site I have ever seen. Who are you? and Why have you done this?

We at the APAS are very dedicated to our ultimate goal of introducing the joys of smoking to all animals on earth. We appreciate your support, send us an e-mail.

		Association to Promote Animal Smoking