We watched sitcoms, hour long dramas, nightly network news,
nightly local news, infomercials, sports programming, late night
variety shows, Saturday morning cartoon shows, Saturday morning
young teen shows, daytime talk shows, daytime soaps, and finally
lot and lots of porn.
I am pleased to announce that I
have a found a new drug. The plan is to usually ingest any
and all substances, which leads me to be very intoxicated on a
constant basis. It's funny how well American television
fits so perfectly into my hedonistic lifestyle. I'm not
sure how I was ever able to live without watching the
television.
It's almost like I have had a
divine religious experience. After being enthralled by
American television for sixty straight hours, I have believe I
have finally found myself some religion. All of my life, I
have searched for something to believe in. I have always
had trouble with the traditional concept of God. It's
perhaps from reading entirely too much Eastern thought, but I've
always had trouble with the concept of one God. I believe
in God, but I've always felt like I've needed more.
I would like to officially
report that I am pledging my allegiance to a new deity.
Television is my new master, and I will do whatever it wants me
to do. Television is my new God, and I bow down before
it's ultimate magnificence. Whatever emptiness exists in
my hedonistic life of drinking, sex, and smoking...will now be
filled by watching countless hours of sitcoms and midget
porn.
I feel like it's the dawn of a
new day for me. The sky has opened up and revealed
something of stunning beauty. I am just a little
frightened by the intense passion I feel for re-runs of
Blossom. My whole world seems to make a little more sense
now.
Earl |
