Lady sucks my ass

I work at a very good restaurant, and there was a customer who came in tonight who left me a very lame tip. Her name is _________, and she is not a very good person. Even if I'm the worst waiter in the world, she should leave me a 10% tip. Her, and her family's bill for a great sushi meal was $79.08. And she left me a $6 tip. $6? Even if I did suck, you should at least leave your waiter 15%. No matter what. Ok, well I understand you didn't get your sushi in the most timely manner as possible. Fine! Just leave me a 10% tip, which would have been around $8. But no, you have to go the extra mile and completely say I'm a worthless waiter.

Did you know you were getting great quality sushi in Danville, VA? Did you know, that we had 2 large sushi orders before your order got to our sushi chef? Did you know, that your not eating, as usual at the local Applebees? Sushi is an art form, and you should appreciate that, and if you want quick food...go away! Go eat at some other place, with your husband and son, and then you can get over-sized portions and a happy waitresses.

I, as a waiter, got you your food as quick as I possibly could. I was in the back of the restaurant, begging the sushi chef, to let me take your sushi order out, one sushi roll at a time. So that you would get some food on your table as soon as possible. And he said to me, Jack, our customers understand that Sushi takes time. Our customers know that sushi is great, and that it takes time to produce quality sushi, they will understand.

Oh, except for some lady named _________, who thought she was at Arby's, and wanted her roast beef quickly. And because her roast beef came out a little slower than usual, she decided to screw the waiter who was doing the best he could.

__________, is a terrible person. She has no respect anymore for people trying to make a living. I'm a great waiter, and just because I couldn't get her sushi out soon enough...I was made to suffer. Well, you know what, I did the best I could and I did not deserve an 8% tip. 8%? Are you so out of touch with life, that you would dare leave such a lame tip for a hard working man?

How dare you!

Don't ever come in to my restaurant again.

I will spit in your food.

Fuck You!

Waiter

I Knew It!

(S)ucker!
(T)rying to see if you were paying attention!
(A)ctually my real and desperately honest blog will begin soon!
(C)heck here everyday!
(E)nvelopes are used to send letters and various types of mail!
(Y)ou are my best friend, and you better watch out!

time

I'm not sure.

observations

Today I had one glimpse of my sister as she was being led in to having a "talk" with my parents in their bedroom. It has been recently revealed that my sister is the main suspect in the disappearance of a $400 nail gun, a $90 Drill, a $40 leaf blower, and also a large case of blank CDs worth $20. There is not any absolute way to prove that she stole these items, but the time frame is right, and there are no other possible suspects. I know she took the CDs, because I was the one who showed her where they were. My sister has been told today that she is no longer welcome in the house, and for her to clear out any remaining possessions she had in the basement apartment. This is all just unbelievable and I feel bad for my parents losing their stuff like this, especially to someone they loved and trusted. It's also terrible to think that she has most likely traded sex for drugs at various points recently.

I'm thinking about seeing if I can borrow my parent's big and clunky treadmill that has been sitting in their house for years stacked up against the wall. I'm considering the feasibility of such an endeavor, as the treadmill is a beast and difficult to move...and also my apartment floors are hard wood and seem to be very thin. As evidenced by the times I heard a previous tenant having sex below me. I think if I can manage to get it up my one flight of stairs, and then put it near one of my front windows, and a thick rug under it...I'm thinking it could work. I really would like to run more lately, but running early in the morning in cold weather just doesn't agree much with me.

I feel better about how things are going in my life, as compared to a week ago...but I guess as always their are a thousand different things going on in my mind. I believe I have made it through my recent "episode" of thinking their is no way I can possibly ever go on with this life...to a place of cautious optimism and trying to get the most out of the quiet moments in my life. Such as when I spent 2 hours playing with and entertaining my 4 year old niece...or when I made a nice dinner from start to finish, and then spent time actually doing the dishes soon after I was done eating. I spent a good 8 minutes leaning on the kitchen sink as I was waiting and watching my tea kettle getting ready to boil. I took care careful notice of each small stage in the life span of the boiling of water, and the different sounds the kettle makes as it works it's way to a loud whistle.

The new episode of Top Chef just started on Bravo, and it has completely derailed my blog. My eyes are getting tired, I'm looking forward to sleep tonight.

Found this great article about my hero Jarvis Cocker.

I had a lot more things to say in my blog, but this evening is getting the better of me. So, I'm going to end this soon. It's nice to be writing more lately, and I'm realy most focused on trying to just get things out in anyway I can. It's a bit easier at the moment to not dive too deeply into things on my mind, and as I mentioned before, just focus on doing the small things to keep myself engaged and in touch with the world.

blah

The poem I carry around in my wallet that sounds a lot like me.

A Partial History of My Stupidity

Traffic was heavy coming off the bridge
and I took the road to the right, the wrong one,
and got stuck in the car for hours.

Most nights I rushed out into the evening
without paying attention to the trees,
whose names I didn't know,
or the birds, which flew heedlessly on.

I couldn't relinquish my desires
or accept them, and so I strolled along
like a tiger that wanted to spring,
but was still afraid of the wildness within.

The iron bars seemed invisible to others,
but I carried a cage around inside me.

I cared too much what other people thought
and made remarks I shouldn't have made.
I was slient when I should have spoken.

Forgive me, philosophers,
I read the Stoics but never understood them.

I felt that I was living the wrong life,
spiritually speaking,
while halfway around the world
thousands of people were being slaughtered,
some of them by my countrymen.

So I walked on--distracted, lost in thought--
and forgot to attend to those who suffered
far away, nearby.

Forgive me, faith, for never having any.

I did not believe in God,
who eluded me.

-- Edward Hirsch

monday night

What was I thinking last night, when I downloaded "Your Wildest Dreams" by the Moody Blues? It's definitely a cheesy song, but I have always liked it very much...and I think I kept singing the lyrics..." i wonder if you think about me, once upon a time in your wildest dreams?" I was in a weird mood, and thinking too much, and I finally decided to download the song from iTunes and give it a listen. It's just as cheesy and romantic as I always remembered it. Ok, why am I listening to it again! Must change it now!

I dont know what to write here. I'm in a very contemplative mood, but there is too much on my mind, I can't seem to get it all sorted out. I feel like I'm by nature very idealistic at heart, but also with an increasing pessimism and cynicism that is encroaching into everything I do. No matter how much I hold onto everything that is hopeful, and I still believe in things, and I hope some of my dreams might come true...it's still hard to keep going with attitude sometimes. Maybe some of it is a chemical imbalance, and some mental issues, and some bad behavior and patterns I get myself into. And these patterns prevent me from finding any way to get out of this encroaching pessimism.

It's very difficult right now for me to see anything beyond the life I have right now. A life of daily struggle to stay straight, to not disappear too much into self pity, and to try and think of positive things. I need to figure out how to not let myself get too wrapped in things one way or another. And try to move on. I don't know what exactly I'm trying to say here.

I just am very sad right now about a lot of different things. It used to be I would get a lot of interesting ideas that would pop up naturally, and I could be creative, and I would write and write and fill pages with ideas. Lately though...forget lately, in the last couple years, my optimism and creativity has just been drowned out, and I just feel numb and not able to understand how I'm ever going to get back to some other place than this life.

I was watching Dateline NBC on Friday night, and it was about a reporter who was involved in a murder mystery. The show was a bit lame, but the reporter just happened to be a recovering alcoholic. And the reporter talked about how he got himself involved in this mystery, because when he became sober...he very much returned emotionally to the age he was, before he started drinking. I think this must be a very common thing, as I feel the same way, and it's fucking painful and it makes me feel lost. Imagine having to re-learn so much about the world...socially, mentally, emotionally, etc... leading back to the place when you lived in a world where substances did not control everything. It's terrible and it freaks me out. It's akin to when you hear about someone being in a serious accident, and they have to learn how to walk again.

I'm tired of looking and searching for something that will make me feel something. Maybe at some point I will understand how to feel anger, passion, sadness, pain in a somewhat healthy way. Instead of using chemicals to either numb down these emotions, or using these chemicals to try and set some of these things off...I will just be me, and be able handle what life hands me, and not go off the deep end when shit happens in life.

For example, here is what used to happen:

Someone says,

"Hey Jack, your sister has started living with a crack dealer and has started stealing things from your parents house. And she does not resemble the lovely and talented and smart girl you grew up, she is now just a shell of her former."

Jack replies,

"Holy shit! How did this happen? I need to save her! I can't handle this, I need to drown this out, this is too painful. She was more than my sister, she was my best friend, and now she is just so lost, and I can't do a motherfucking thing about it! Why can't I do something! Someone I love is just slowly fading away in front of my eyes, and I don't have any idea what to do."

So, anyway, I need to not be that kind of person I guess, who takes something like that on myself, and figure out how to look out for myself first. It's very difficult, I just hope I can find a way someday.

myspace is gone

Well, I have went ahead and killed my MySpace account. This is going along with my new idea of trying to stay as far away from people as possible for the moment. I know, it's great to have friends, and I should rely on my friends more, and all that. But honestly, it got to be annoying to look at my various myspace friends and bulletins and all the interesting things people are doing. I don't need all of that at the moment.

This is a very difficult time in my life due to a couple things that have happened in the past few days, and now more than ever I would rather just be left alone. I have some great friends, and they all know my e-mail address, and I'm not completely just giving up on the concept of social interaction, or keeping in touch with people...I just need a bit of time.