thanksgiving

Well it's been forever and a day since I've written anything in this blog, and I'm not sure why today I decided to try and enter something here. Maybe because no one really reads it anymore, and I'd like a place to talk freely without anyone I know specifically reading it. I don't care if anyone I know reads this...as always though, I'm often brutally honest here.

I've been doing well overall lately, except for the odd moments that threaten to knock me completely off track. I've gotten a lot better at dealing with these moments when they happen, but I still feel a lot like I'm on a high wire. I'm not sure this is making any sense. One example happened about 30 minutes ago when I was out on a walk with my Mom. I have no problem with what she said, just the way in which she said it. Why exactly did she have to say it with such venom and condescension? I don't know. Why did she have to say it on Thanksgiving, and when I was in such a good mood? I told her, thanks Mom, for the kick in the stomach, it was lovely.

Normally, I would be hurt and obsessed by this all day and not be able to rebound so quickly. But, I think a lot of what she said has to do...with her having to deal with my sister. Things are not well with my sister, and I think my Mom projected her anger towards my sister, on to me. It still just sucks. But I need to deal with the potholes of life in a healthier manner. And I'm not going to sacrifice my good mood, and my 30 minute run this morning...just because my Mom said something mean.

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I hate being in limbo. I understand people need time to sort out their thinking, it's just tough when the cut off is so sudden.

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I'm listening to Carly Simon's, "You're so Vain," and thinking about what a ball of toxic family fun my life can be sometimes. This song gets me every time, I think I like it mostly because of the way it is played over Nixon (Dan Hedaya) leaving the White House in one of my favorite movies, Dick.

I keep thinking that it is definitely time to move on from my family's Internet business. I guess I'm thinking about one far Northeast option, but more and more lately it seems like it's foolish to put all my eggs in this one basket. It's really something I feel strongly about, but on the other hand, it feels like maybe I need to be more thinking about what is best for me.

I get tired of the starting over every day. And I'm not going to do it anymore. Despite me feeling a bit like I was kicked in the head today, I'm feeling overall positive and upbeat.